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Info Centre - Crying baby

The cry of a baby pierces a mother’s heart. No other sound has the capacity to wound in quite the same way. And listening to your inconsolable baby can be stressful beyond measure.

Babies, of course, have no other language but their cry. It is the only way of communicating. If they are bored, hungry, cold, wet, lonely, over-stimulated or in pain, they need to cry to tell you. Parents try to interpret these cries, but studies suggest that cries vary only in intensity, rather than in type. So it’s hard to know a hungry cry from a lonely cry.

So how can you cope?

When your baby starts crying, use the checklist below to help yourself to spot the cause:

  • hungry
  • thirsty
  • tired
  • wet or dirty
  • lonely or bored
  • uncomfortable
  • too hot or too cold
  • nappy rash
  • wind
  • colic

If this normal checklist fails, try:

  • Putting your baby in a sling
  • Rhythmic rocking or gently bouncing on a birthing ball
  • Taking your baby out in a pram or car
  • Singing softly and rhythmically
  • Turn down the lights, keep noises to a minimum and don’t over-stimulate
  • Dance with your baby using slow rhythmic movements
  • Offer him a feed
  • Pick him up and walk around the room with him
  • Stroke him or gently massage him on the back
  • Try holding him in different positions
  • Give him a bath
  • Talk to him gently or sing to him
  • Try soothing sounds: sometimes music, swithcing on the vacuum or running water helps - even 'white noise' from the radio
  • Offer him a clean finger-tip to suck
  • Help him to feel secure by wrapping him firmly in a blanket (swaddling)
  • Ask someone else to take over - sometimes a new pair of hands works wonders.

If you think your baby is crying in an unusual way or for an unusually long time, or you think he is in pain, call your doctor.

If your baby continues to cry, and you feel confident that she is not in pain, or crying in an unusual way, you might want to try to continue to be with your baby while they cry, as sometimes all we can do for our babies is be with them so that they know they are not alone.

Alternatively, you might want to hand your baby over to some else and take a break. If no-one is available, put your baby down in his cot for a while. This is particularly important if you feel that you are becoming exasperated, angry or upset.

Do different parenting styles affect how much a baby cries?

A study in 2006 by Professor Ian St James Roberts at the Thomas Coram Research Unit tried to find the answer to this question, and discover whether parenting styles have an effect on crying patterns in babies.

The researchers investigated two different groups of parents in two European countries (UK (London), where the trend is towards routine-focused baby rearing - and Denmark (Copenhagen), where parents spend more time holding their baby and respond more quickly to its cries), plus a third ‘proximal care’ group of parents who planned to hold their baby for four-fifths of a 12-hour period between 8.00am and 8.00pm. This group breastfed frequently, responded instantly to their baby’s cries, and many shared their bed with their baby at night.

So what did the research team discover?

At 10 days, proximal care parents spent almost 16.5 hours out of every 24 holding their baby. Copenhagen parents held their baby for almost 9.75 hours and London parents almost 8.5 hours – around half the time of proximal care parents.

Proximal carers and Copenhagen parents were more likely to co-sleep, sharing their bed with their babies for at least part of the night for five nights a week; London parents averaged one night a week. Predictably, the proximal carers tended to co-sleep the whole night through – with 70% bed-sharing all night compared to just 16% of Copenhagen parents and 9% of London parents.

The conclusion

At both 10 days and five weeks, the London babies (who had the least physical contact with their parents) fussed and cried 50% more than the other groups. And even though all three groups of babies had settled significantly by 12 weeks, the London babies still cried and fussed more than their counterparts who had more parental contact.

By 12 weeks however, London and Copenhagen parents were enjoying more unbroken nights than their proximal care counterparts, whose babies woke and cried more at night. And at 10 months of age, most proximal care babies continued to wake their parents at night.

So, when it comes to deciding how to care for your baby, it’s a matter of horses for courses. As the research paper says: ‘Rather than one being better, they are associated with different benefits and costs.’ New parents need to assess what works for them and to understand that proximal care will reduce the stress of crying in the early weeks, but may delay the start of unbroken nights. Similarly, strict regimes and the trend to ‘leave your baby to cry it out’ may result in unbearable crying early on, but bring the possible reward of ‘sleeping through the night’ by 12 weeks of age.

Many may decide to take the middle path of the Copenhagen parents who seem to get less crying in the early days than low contact parents and a baby who settles at night sooner than those using proximal care.

More Information

• Cry-sis (www.cry-sis.org.uk) has advice on coping with a crying or sleepless baby. The Cry-sis helpline – 08451 228 669 (08451 ACT NOW) – is open seven days a week from 9am to 10pm, and can give you the number of a volunteer contact, who has experienced similar problems in the past and can understand what you are going through.

• The national charity Parentline Plus has a free 24-hour helpline (0808 800 2222) for information and support on any parenting issue, including crying babies.

• For advice about coping with a crying baby, see Babycalming: Simple Solutions for a Happy Baby by Caroline Deacon (NCT, £8.99), available from NCT Sales. Visit http://www.nctshop.co.uk/Babycalming/productinfo/2167/ or phone 0870 112 1120.

How the NCT can help

  • To meet other mums and dads in your area, contact your local NCT branch for details of postnatal support groups, drop-ins and discussion groups. Call 0300 33 00 770 or visit www.nct.org.uk

Page lasted updated 2009.