Supporting you to become the parent you want to be
Site search

Info Centre - Sex during pregnancy

Sex during pregnancy

The information on this page is taken from 'Get Closer', an NCT booklet guide to the effect pregnancy, childbirth, and early parenthood may have on your sex-life.  

Can sex harm my baby?

This is a common worry. There is usually no need to be concerned about this however, as your baby is cocooned inside the amniotic sac (a balloon of warm fluid that will cushion her from any thrusting); also, the neck of your womb, or cervix, is also sealed by a mucus plug that keeps your baby’s environment sterile so ejaculation can’t harm her. They may however be some circumstances when you are advised to avoid penetrative sex (see ‘When to say no to sex’ below).

You may feel your baby move when you make love, but this movement is due to the rocking she feels and the increase in your heart rate, rather than her being in distress. In fact, when you orgasm your blood flow also increases, upping the amount of oxygen and nutrients being delivered to your baby. During orgasm your bump may also harden because the act of orgasm causes contractions in the muscles of your uterus.

Movements and sounds from outside and from her mother’s body are an everyday part of your baby’s world, so there’s no sense in which your baby can ‘know’ that you are making love. She has no concept of sexuality – and she certainly can’t see or feel your partner’s penis.

Will sex feel different?

During pregnancy some women may feel more sensitive due to increased levels of female hormones (progesterone and oestrogen) circulating in the body, plus increased blood flow to breasts and genitals. Some women experience their first orgasm, or even multiple orgasm, during pregnancy. This can be because of the extra blood flow, or because you’re trying different techniques and receiving more direct clitoral stimulation. You’ll also notice vaginal secretions increase. Hormonal changes can give these secretions a stronger smell and taste.

The first trimester

Even though your pregnancy won’t necessarily show during the first few months, huge changes are taking place and these can have an effect on your libido. You may go off sex because:

  • you’re very tired as this is a time of rapid development for your baby
  • your breasts are larger and more tender (similar to how they may feel before a period) as your body begins to prepare for breastfeeding
  • you’re suffering from morning sickness (which, despite the name, can strike at any time of day) – either vomiting or simply feeling nauseous.
On the other hand, you may find that even though you’re suffering from some health niggles that you still feel really sexy. So follow whatever your body is telling you.

The second trimester

For many – though not all – the middle months see a return of energy levels and can signal an end to nausea if you’ve been suffering from it. You may find that hormones now make your skin glow and your hair shine – this is the ‘blooming’ stage that others often notice. Your pregnancy shape may become more visible and you may feel able to be more public about the fact that you are pregnant. Many women feel more relaxed as they leave the first trimester behind and the risk of miscarriage falls, and you may begin to feel more confident in your pregnancy.

Of course, not all women feel super-sexy. For some, nausea, tiredness, or low sex-drive can continue. If this is the case with you, don’t give yourself a hard time. Resting and taking care of yourself can help you feel more relaxed and good about yourself and your body.

The second trimester is the period during which you may have various antenatal tests, such as chorionic villus sampling (CVS) or amniocentesis. It’s likely that you’ll be advised to rest for a couple of days after these tests and to avoid sex.

The third trimester

During the last three months, as your bump becomes larger, it is likely that there will be times when you will feel very tired. The extra weight you’re carrying, plus the physical changes of pregnancy – such as backache, swollen ankles, and heartburn – may make your sex-drive fall too. If so, that’s fine. Don’t feel you have to perform. Looking after yourself and your baby comes first. But if you love your bigger bump and still feel sexy, then you can carry on making love. Remember all women are different so do what feels right for you.

Natural induction

At full term, when your baby is ready to be born, sex is sometimes suggested as a way of bringing on labour. A combination of the prostaglandins in semen (which soften the cervix) and the hormone oxytocin (triggered by orgasm) may set off contractions. The role of sexual intercourse in triggering labour is uncertain but artificial prostaglandins are used in hospital to induce labour so you may want to give it a go.

Keep talking

The moment sperm meets egg, an incredible physical and emotional journey begins inside you. But for your partner (especially before the visible signs of pregnancy emerge) it may be hard to understand how much your sexuality can be affected. If you do go off sex, then try to make time to just be together. Once the baby comes you will have less ‘couple time’ so make the most of it now. Make time to be together and do simple things. These might be:

  • relaxing on the sofa
  • a walk in the park
  • having a cuddle in bed
  • talking over a meal 
  • taking a bath together.

Some men know a lot about the theory of pregnancy as they enjoy reading about it; others do not have much information or experience about what to expect. It may help you both if you can talk about how your desire may change during the nine months, and the fact that this is normal. Sometimes you’ll want just cuddles (especially when you’re very tired).

To help your partner further you could also explain that hormonal and physical changes can put a temporary hold on love-making. Reassure him that it’s not because he’s fulfilled his role and made you pregnant (a worry for some men). Try to talk through any related worries such as coping with parenthood, or medical or financial concerns.

Of course, men’s feelings and desires will vary too. Seeing you as a ‘mother’ may make your partner view you as ‘mumsy’ rather than ‘sexy’. Or he may find your developing body alarming. For other men, desire deepens, and the womanliness of your pregnant body may make him want you all the more. The important thing is to keep talking to each other about how you are both feeling.

You may find that this is a good time for your partner to discuss with you any concerns that he may have about childbirth, and about your physical relationship after the birth. Some men may worry about having penetrative sex again after a vaginal birth, are shocked at how much the vagina stretches during the birth to accommodate the baby, or are unprepared for the sight of blood or mucus. Talking together now can give both of you the chance to air any concerns or worries you may have.

What if I don’t want sex?

Penetrative sex is just one way to express love and attraction so, if you don’t feel like sex, you can still keep intimacy alive. Hold hands, kiss, hug – it’s important not to lose touch physically, even if you don’t want sex. If you do still feel sexy but simply can’t face penetration (maybe you find it uncomfortable or you feel too tired):

  • talk together about your sexual feelings or fantasies
  • try oral sex or mutual masturbation
  • do sensual things together, such as having a bath or giving each other a massage.
Of course, you can always stimulate yourself. Some pregnant women prefer this because with masturbation you can provide exactly what you want and can make sure nothing happens you’re uncomfortable with.

The best positions for sex

If you are still enjoying penetrative sex, you may want to try some new positions. Tender breasts or your large bump late in pregnancy may make some positions uncomfortable, so it’s a perfect chance to experiment. Try:

  • spoons Lie on your side with your knees up towards your bump and your back towards your partner, so that he can enter from behind. He can’t go too deep in this position, and your bump can rest on the bed.
  • woman on top With your partner on his back, sit astride him and lower yourself onto him. You can rock gently and so control the amount of penetration yourself.
  • from behind Get down on your hands and knees so that your partner can enter from behind. If penetration is too deep, ask him to hold back.
  • side-by-side Lie facing one another with your leg over your partner’s side. He won’t be able to penetrate too deeply, and the bed will support your bump.

Can I use a vibrator when I’m pregnant?

If there’s any reason why sex should be off the agenda when you’re pregnant (see below), you should avoid using a vibrator. But if a penis is fine, a vibrator is fine too. But all sex toys come with good instructions about use, it is important these are read and followed.

When to say no to sex

Although penetrative sex is generally safe during pregnancy, there are times when you may be advised to avoid it.

  • If you’ve had miscarriages before, or bleeding during this pregnancy, talk to your midwife or doctor who may suggest you refrain from sex, depending on the number and timing of previous miscarriages. However, remember that early miscarriage is very common and unavoidable, usually due to a pregnancy that is not developing normally, and there is no evidence to suggest that it is caused by sex. Tell your midwife or doctor if you have signs of infection – such as itchiness, an unusual or smelly discharge, or if there is pain when you have sex.
  • Cervical dysfunction or weakness (when the entrance to the womb doesn’t hold tight shut) may cause miscarriage or premature labour after the third month of pregnancy, so you may be advised to avoid sex if you have experienced this in a previous pregnancy.
  • If you are expecting twins (which often come early), or have previously had a premature baby, some consultants may advise avoiding sex late in pregnancy in case it sets off labour.
  • If at any stage you think your waters may have broken, contact your midwife to assess the situation. To reduce the risk of infection avoid intercourse and seek advice immediately if you think you may have an infection.

Low-lying placenta

For the majority of women who have a low-lying placenta at their 20-week scan, the natural growth of the uterus will mean that this will not be the case at full term. So, unless you have had some bleeding or you are diagnosed with placenta praevia (when the placenta is covering or very near the cervix) in the last few weeks of pregnancy, there may be no need to avoid sex – talk it over with your midwife or doctor if you are concerned.

Sexually-transmitted illness (STI)

If you have a sexually transmitted illness (STI)  tell your doctor and discuss accepting blood testing for HIV, hepatitis B, and syphilis (offered at antenatal appointments). Or, if you prefer, you could self-refer to a genitourinary medicine (GUM) clinic. It’s important to be tested because STIs can affect your baby. Syphilis can cross the placenta and infect the baby before it is born; gonorrhoea, chlamydia, hepatitis B, and genital herpes can be transmitted during the birth; HIV can be transmitted in the womb, during the birth, and during breastfeeding. If an infection is known about, appropriate drug treatment and other methods can lessen the possibility of your baby being affected.

Should your partner be at the birth?

For many men, watching the birth of their baby deepens their relationship with their partner and is the most moving experience of their life. However, some men may not wish to be present at the birth, for a variety of complex and personal reasons that they may not always feel able to express or discuss openly. If this is the case then talk about it together and try not to judge your partner if he doesn’t want to be there.

If your partner does wish to be present, or is as yet unsure, then antenatal classes are a good way for both of you to prepare for what will happen during labour and birth, and to discuss any anxieties or fears that you may have. You might also like to think about other forms of support, for example, a family member or a doula. (A doula is an experienced woman who offers emotional and practical support to a woman, or couple, before, during and after childbirth.) This person could be an alternative to your partner if he doesn't wish to be there, or a support to him if he does. You should discuss with this person what you would like from her during your labour – for example whether you would like to be massaged or not, or if you would like her to mediate between you and your midwife. It is also important that you are able to say if there comes a point during labour where you just want to be a couple alone with the midwife.

So, prepare for the birth as a couple by:

  • discussing what both of you want well before your baby is due
  • joining an antenatal class for couples to learn about the process of childbirth – knowledge will often dispel fears, or at least clarify what you both want
  • remembering that you can have another person at the birth as well as your partner. Then if your partner doesn’t wish to be present, or finds on the day that he doesn’t want to be present for all of the labour, you will still have someone with you to support you.  

Remember that pregnancy is a time when you will be experiencing lots of changes. You may really enjoy sex while you’re pregnant or you may just want to curl up and sleep – or you may find that your mood swings between the two during this time. Every woman, and her partner, will feel different. But it’s important to remember that pregnancy – and the early days of parenthood – don’t last forever, and even if you don’t feel like having sex during this time it will change.

The information on this page is taken from the NCT booklet 'Get Closer'. You can buy this booklet from NCTShop at: http://www.nctshop.co.uk/Get-Closer-Humps-and-bumps/productinfo/1660/

Page lasted updated 2008.